The Churning in Our Souls

“A hindrance is not always something sinful. Even something wholesome can become less and less consistent with the path God is opening to you. It’s season has passed and it’s time to lay it down. These can often be the hardest hindrances to let go of because they’re more subjective and easier to rationalize. They’re not wrong; they’re just wrong right now.

It we’re not sure whether something in our lives qualifies as a hindrance, ask Him. But let us also be sensitive to a churning in our souls or a growing unrest or discomfort toward that particular thing. We’ll know. And when we do, let’s ask God for strength to pitch it. One way we’ll know it was His will is that, even while we miss it, we’ll feel relieved.” – Beth Moore

How do you leave behind what is so stable and reasonable for that which you have no surety of? When everyone tells you to stick with what is safe and known, but something deep within you calls you out beyond the norm?

The churning that Beth speaks of is exactly what I have found within my own heart. A deep urgency to disembark the train I’m already traveling with friends and family comfortably on and board a completely new one filled with only strangers. Why leave what I’m good at, know, and  understand only to have to start all over again on a path that I have no knowledge of it’s final destination? Why?

Because it is in my bones. This new path was set inside the depths of my soul since the day I was conceived. It shouted out to me as a young girl fascinated in books and stories of  Him. It beckoned me in high school to go deeper, to push beyond the veil. In college, it encouraged me to have faith, to have trust it would all pan out. But upon graduation, I faltered. I pulled back in fear, not comfortable with the idea of forging a new path. And so I left that calling at the station. I boarded the easy train, the one I saw friends boarding. It was safe, comfortable, familiar.

For two years I rode that train. And while I tried to joyfully interact with others and make myself enjoy the ride, I always caught myself looking out the window, wishing.

Wishing I had had courage to trust the ache within my bones. Wishing I had just trusted what He created me for. Wishing I hadn’t just done the first thing to come my way. Wishing I hadn’t just stuck with safety and the known. Wishing for a second chance.

That chance has come. The train is almost at the next station. The churning has begun again, and this time I won’t stop it. I will follow where it leads me. I will not let fear pull me back. I’m ready to get off this train. I’m ready to board His.

“Behold, now is the favorable time; behold, now is the day of salvation.” 2 Corinthians 6:2b

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