Change. How can something be so hope-filled and exciting and yet at the same time feel as though someone is trying to wring out your heart?
I have now left behind what I knew, what was safe, and where I felt loved and secure. Now I find myself out in the metaphorical wilderness urging myself to not look back. I look up and see before me the mountains I now must climb. It was easy to be confident gazing at these very mountains from afar, but reality changes perspective as easily as the waves change the shore.
And so I muster up the little courage I can find within myself and focus on just the step in front of me. I focus on only the next little step because I am afraid of what I cannot see up ahead.
The enemy seems to be the only one that has accompanied me on this new path, and he refuses to be silent. “Do you really think this was smart? What if you don’t have what you need? What if you get hurt? What will you do when you do get up there? You probably should have just stayed back there. How are you going to survive? You’re all alone. Don’t you miss what you had? This is going to be too hard. It doesn’t look too good up ahead.” On and on and on…
Does anyone else ever just say “SHUT UP!” to the enemy? Because lately, that’s been my frequent comment to him. He’s so loud that it makes it nearly impossible to hear the one voice I DO want to hear, the voice I need to hear.
I haven’t even started the real ascent and yet I already am worn. My enemy has seen to that, and so last night I just sat down and had a good cry.
“Lord, I know this is You leading me. I know that You hear me. I know that You love me. But these lies of the enemy wear me down. I am afraid, I am unsure, and I am lonely. I need your help to simply start this new journey. Help.”
This morning I realize something. Sometimes we have to fight for faith, fight to trust, fight to maintain a grip on the Anchor of our Souls, fight against the feelings that arise out of the circumstances. It isn’t easy, it easy enjoyable. But we must make a choice to overlook the feelings of our heart and listen to the thoughts of His Heart. For when we grow weak and feel we have no more fight in us left, God pulls back the storm clouds to reveal His banner that has been over us this whole time. It still stands; it is His Love and Promises which never fail. When our eyes gaze upon that banner, we can go on in this battle because we remember He is faithful. We serve a good and gracious Father who says this to you:
“Yes, my child, you can go on. You can be victorious in this battle. You are strong. Only keep your eyes fixed on Me and the banner. Let it remind you of my never ending faithfulness to my story for your life.
Remember that the story I wrote for you is not an easy one. It is unique to you, never been done before and will never be done again. Remember my prophets? Their lives were not ones of comfort or ease, but they won the battle. They came out victorious.
I chose you. I chose to love you in this unique way, this way because it is a difficult road ahead, unpaved and rejected by any traveler who once sought to take it. Though difficult, I will be with you every second of it and will saturate it with my presence at all times, if only you press on to unveil it.
I am not separated from you, rather you have chosen my yoke that requires we be right beside one another. Don’t fight the yoke. Don’t struggle, just look at Me. Work with me, not against the path I’ve chosen to lead us down. I know it looks scary and daunting, but I’m right here. We can do it. Trust me. You and I can do it. I chose you from all my saints for this path. Only you and I have what is needed for this specific path. So lean in, not out. Trust me. We’ve got this sweet child! Onward and upward!”
“Now faith if being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” Hebrews 11:1
“Those who seek the Lord lack no good thing.” Psalm 34:10
“I am the Lord your God who brought you up out of the land of Egypt. Open your mouth wide, and I will fill it.” Psalm 81:10
Alright, daunting mountainous path… I am already victorious. My God has already been here before. He is with me now. I am not alone, and I am not weak. I am fully capable of fulfilling this call on my life.